the girl let days blur together..it started to boil within her. like a bomb inside her, a knot a rock. just stuck. helpless and lost, she numbed herself and then just as suddenly as it had spread, she began to lash out on the one and only person who never left her side. the guilt weighed like 13 elephants sitting upon her lungs & heart. in the shower she stood, in the unmoving—ever present stillness, letting beads of moisture build, as she cursed at herself with the same words her tongue had unleashed upon her underserving love.. how is this so? it’s sickness she had built , had risen to the tip. she ran her hands under the hot water , smoothing back her long brown hair. let the liquid pour over her, in hopes of watching this thing..this thing that was infesting her, wash down the drain.
the tears would come, but not until later.
she wrapped herself in the soft worn out towel, and buried her face in her hands. still nothing. ”what is this? what is wrong with me? “inevitably denying herself the reality to see clearly. to recognize this thing inside was like staring at a blank wall trying to see an intricate map of your life & how you’ve come to where you are. she was rotting and rotten and spoiled. walking softly , she saw him then, standing there. as he lay down, his gentle yet rough hands pat the spot on the bed nestled right beside his chest and underarm..a signal for her . it was magnetizing. she slide under the covers, & lay her head beside him. he cupped his hand around her face. “we need to talk”.
it’s funny, in the weird sort of way, the feeling of your heart sinking. or the hopes you had bubbling up and lodging themselves inside the walls of your throat. your heart skips beats, then beats faster, all while sinking. but to where?
to admit she was wrong to herself, was even harder than to look at him and apologize. it’s a very difficult thing to peel away the surface of your skin you have built up for so long, an attempt to save yourself. to find that one last string of salvation from all the ounces of negative being thrown at you, not ever really knowing you are concocting a deadly poison that each day you drink from, at the spout of your own hands.
all it took was staring into his amber eyes, and out they came. and yet as she let the tears stream down her face, the more they fell, her heart and chest felt one elephant lighter, with each drop.
he slid his fingers to entangle and lock with hers. “through thick & thin, baby.”
and she buried her face into his chest. and they kept falling, until there were no more elephants left.
